May 26 2020

Gypsy Soul Confessions: I Never Got Out of my Crocs Today

[Author’s Note: If you read that title and immediately felt offended because you love your Crocs, please substitute the word “houseshoes” every time I wrote “Crocs.” Crocs are my houseshoes.]

[And if you’re still offended, substitute the word “pajamas.”]

Today I may have finally crossed an imaginary red line of Self-Respect. I looked down at the end of the day and I was still wearing my favorite rubber ballet flats. Favorite because they are comfy and easy to slip into, red line because I’ve made a rule for myself not to wear them as “real” shoes.

Well, actually the rule is not to wear them out of the house. And the reason I was still wearing them at bedtime was because I never left the house today; not even for a walk around the block or to jump on the trampoline with my little boy.

Hmmm… maybe I crossed a totally different line than the one I was thinking of. The don’t become one with the couch line. Or the don’t forget the outside world still exists line. Or even the don’t hide potato chips from your family so you can eat them all line.

(The truth always comes out in the end, doesn’t it?)

We’re living through an unprecedented time. But when we come out of this on the other side– God willing– what will we take back with us into “normal” life?

I’m learning some things about myself, and not all of them are flattering.

I like the idea of structure and routine and I know it’s good for my family… but I don’t like the reality of sticking to a strict schedule, so too often I blow it off. This is not great when you’ve suddenly been handed the responsibility of schooling your child.
I know that making significant changes to what I cook and eat would help my auto-immune disease and improve my whole family’s health… but my eating habits have gotten worse during this lockdown, not better. (So, no surprise, my arthritis is worse too!)
I’m not patient enough with my husband and I’m probably too patient with my child. I need to stop using up my daily quota of patience on my 5-year-old and keep at least a small reserve of it for the other important people in my life. Everybody deserves some grace right now.
I learned years ago while working from home as a freelance artist that it’s very helpful to maintain a certain standard of hygiene and dress even if you aren’t going anywhere– otherwise you start to feel like a hopelessly unattractive loser. I call it the take a shower every day rule, and I never realized how hard it would become when I had a newborn! Now, five years later, I still get cranky if I can’t get a shower in the morning. But I’ll admit that during this pandemic I sometimes go to remove my jewelry or makeup before bed and realize that I never put any on. And that I never washed, brushed, or fixed my hair.

I know we all have different ideas of what our own “minimum standards” are. And we need to be kind to ourselves– and others– now more than ever. But I’m trying to do some self-reflection so that there’s a chance for self-improvement. I’d like to come out of this lockdown with something positive to show for it.

Oprah says that Maya Angelou says When You Know Better, You Do Better. (Yes, most of my wisdom is technically hearsay that would not be admissible in court.)

(At least, I don’t think hearsay is admissible in court, but that’s probably just something I heard somewhere.)

Well, I know better… but I’m not always succeeding at doing better. I’m hoping the first step is recognizing what “better” would look like.

I’m not telling YOU where to draw your Self-Respect or Self-Discipline line– there’s no judgment here. Just notice when you step across it.